Life's Hills and Valleys

LESSONS YOU CAN LEARN FROM MUSICALS

• Les Miserables:
• Stealing a loaf of bread may seem like a good idea, but it will literally fuck up your entire life.
• Spring Awakening:
• If you get laid, you die. If you don't get laid, you die. Also don't trust your parents.
• Chicago:
• It's ok to murder people as long as you wear lingerie and can sing and dance.
• The King and I:
• Racism doesn't count if you sing about it.
• My Fair Lady: People will like you if you talk like you have a broom stick up your ass.
• Hairspray: In the 60s, people will hate you if you're overweight, UNLESS you also hang out with black people.
• RENT:
• AIDS really blows.
• A Chorus Line:
• If you ever audition for a musical chorus, you better have a goddamn good story as to why you became a dancer.
• Grease:
• If your boyfriend doesn't like you, change absolutely everything about yourself to please him.
• The Phantom of the Opera:
• When choosing between a controlling boyfriend and a sociopath composer with a messed up face who dwells in an opera house's basement, take your sweet damn time.
• Rocky Horror Picture Show:
• Finding refuge from a storm in a mansion who's owner is a transvestite will make you inexplicably horny, and seemingly bisexual.